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Biden Bows Out: Can’t Handle Trump Rematch

In a plot twist everyone saw coming, President Biden announced on Sunday that he’s throwing in the towel on his 2024 re-election campaign. After a cringeworthy debate performance and relentless pressure from his own party, it appears even he got the memo that it was time to exit stage left.

Democratic lawmakers, who have seemingly lost faith in Biden’s chances of beating Trump, had been increasingly vocal about wanting him to step aside. Party leaders, likely fed up with the constant damage control, were pushing hard to convince the 81-year-old president that his chances in November were about as good as a snowball’s in hell.

Not wasting a moment, Biden threw his “full support and endorsement” behind Vice President Kamala Harris, effectively passing the baton in a race he’s too tired to finish. In a public letter dripping with nostalgia, he called his presidency the greatest honor of his life but conceded that stepping down was the best move for his party and the country.

Biden plans to give a formal address to the nation later this week. For now, he’s expressed his gratitude to those who worked so hard for his re-election bid and praised Harris as an extraordinary partner. He even tossed in some patriotic fluff about America’s potential when united—because nothing says unity like stepping down under pressure.

On social media, Biden endorsed Harris to lead the charge against Trump, calling his decision to pick her as VP in 2020 the best one he’s made. He urged Democrats to rally behind her with a cheerleading, “It’s time to come together and beat Trump. Let’s do this.”

Biden’s backing is likely to scare off any serious contenders within the Democratic Party, making Harris the default nominee by default. Harris, naturally, declared her intent to earn the nomination and vowed to take down Trump’s “extreme Project 2025 agenda.”

Harris also took the opportunity to heap praise on Biden’s leadership and long service, describing his legacy as unmatched in recent American history. According to sources, Biden and Harris had several conversations on Sunday before making the announcement.

Jumping on the bandwagon, former President Bill Clinton and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton quickly pledged their support for Harris. They expressed their honor in joining Biden’s endorsement and promised to back Harris in her presidential bid. And so, the show goes on.

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